Before as tanned, glistening with sweat and wearing

Before
you begin to write the script, remember that the protagonist of the story is
always superior to all other characters. Your protagonist may be a village boy,
an arrogant businessman, an explorer or a police officer. The hero needs to
become shirtless at least once in the movie for no reason but to show off his
chiselled six-pack. A hero with a cool moustache is more likely to be a police
officer who is extremely strong, and a buff village boy is often shown as tanned,
glistening with sweat and wearing minimal clothes. Do not forget that the hero’s
entrance into the story must be very special and exaggerated by showing his
muscular body, or an action sequence.

Never
forget the fight sequences where the laws of physics don’t apply. It does not
matter if huge, muscular men are coming at the hero with every form of weapon
in an open-top jeep. The hero can singlehandedly accomplish impossible physical
feats to take all the goons down, including jumping from impossible heights,
breaking glass or doing martial arts. A hero with a gun is lucky because
Bollywood guns are magical – they never run out of bullets, no matter how
indiscriminately one shoots. During the fight, it is mandatory for the hero to
deliver a punchy dialogue, which is always later used by the audience in a
colloquial way. While all these actions happen, do not forget to include the
background sound effects of ‘dshh’, ‘dishoom’.

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The
story is not complete without a negative element. Your villain characters may
include a corrupt politician, father of the heroine or an underground don
dealing with drugs and mafia. Among your villains, the father of the heroine
turns out to have positive role in the climax, while the other villains would
be killed by the hero. Remember that the villain must always have a deep voice,
a scary look and a thick beard. The common traits of a Bollywood villain are
his evil laughter and commanding voice. The villain is often a tech-savvy, living
in a den and controlling everything with a remote. Note that he also has
followers hailing him. 

The
audience will be put off if the crucial part of a Bollywood movie is not
included: dance. No dance, no movie. A minimum of three songs should be
included: a heart-break, a romantic one and finally the ‘desi beat’ song. The
‘desi beat’ needs to have the typical Bollywood dance moves, like the ‘thumkas’
and hand movements along with the seductive hip-swivel. Make sure the setting
is loud, vibrant, exciting and colourful. The logic to be ignored is that
twenty other dancers suddenly come from nowhere to dance along with the hero
and heroine, choreographed perfectly. To show off the producer’s money, make
sure to change the costumes and shift locations between each verse of the song.

In
your movie, the hero should be rich and the heroine poor or vice versa, making
their journey of love harder. Either one or both of their families should
disapprove their love, leading to a separation track and then a reunion in the
climax. It is totally okay to stop a marriage going ahead, which is usually formulated
by the hero when he realises he cannot lose his love. This is the time when the
hero gets beaten black and blue by the girl’s angry relatives. Make sure you
show some romance between the lead pair; mainly include a rain dance even
though they are in a deserted place with skies clear. Rain is the key for romance.

The hero first sees the heroine at a temple/traffic signal/bus stop and happens
to meet her somewhere again. Don’t have energy/time to create a proper love
story between two strangers? Just use the concept of love at first sight. Chuck
in a romantic song and show that they fell in love with each other at their
first glance. Done deal!

Never
show the concept of moving on after a break up. If there are two heroines, the
second one dies by sacrificing her life for the other to live happily ever
after. A scene with a train is never smooth-going. Either someone must be
running after a moving train or misses it completely.

Another
epic love story to be considered is that the heroine is deeply pious and the
hero is very outgoing. The hero makes the heroine realise how she has wasted
her whole life and she suddenly becomes bold overnight. Irking the heroine’s father
about her changes, there is a fight track followed by break up. Then there is
the historic ending with the father realising his daughter’s love for the hero
and letting her live her life.

Taboo
subjects best avoided include inter-religious marriage, talking about sex and
menstruation in public, beautiful landscapes, women’s empowerment, the rich and
well-educated families, youth of India following their dreams, gender equality,
widow re-marriage and pre-marital pregnancy.

And,
lastly, don’t forget to end your movie with an emotional scene or a happy
marriage if you want people to watch your movie. Never make it tragic. 

x

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